My parents collapsed under the weight of her. They weren’t bad people; they were exhausted people. And so the link formed: Elena’s survival became my purpose. When she failed, I felt I had failed. When she relapsed, I searched my memory for something I could have done differently.
You are not her. And that is not a tragedy. It is an opportunity. If you or someone you know is struggling with a family member’s self-destructive behavior, resources like Al-Anon (for families of those with addiction) and sibling support groups can provide the tools to unlatch the link. You are allowed to protect your own peace. my older sister falling into depravity and i link
For years, my family used euphemisms: “Elena is struggling,” “Elena has demons.” No. Elena made choices. Many of those choices were cruel, selfish, and destructive. Acknowledging that does not make me unloving. It makes me honest. My parents collapsed under the weight of her
This was the hardest. I loved her. But I learned that rescuing is different from helping. Rescuing means absorbing the consequences of her actions. Helping means calling 911 when she overdoses, then leaving the hospital room so the social workers can do their job. When she failed, I felt I had failed